Monday, July 30, 2012

The Album is done.... for a few parts I'm waiting on from some other people.  This is me deciding today that everything else I have done is great and I can leave the project alone and I feel like I've accomplished something amazing and I love this record with all my heart.  This picture also looks like I'm hanging upside down from a blanket.

Today I spent the day in the sun at my favourite beach.  I'd tell you where it is, but so far it seems like it's pretty unknown, and I'd like to keep it that way!  It being a Monday, Ana and I had our pick of the land.  We chose this spot.

Pretty great eh?!  The water was so warm.  There were no bugs.  There was a lot of sun.  It was glorious.  After coming to the realization that I could do no more to these mixes and these songs, I started telling Ana about a thought that had occurred to me.  I have been so focused on this record that I have barely left my house, I have neglected relationships with friends, and I feel like I've missed out on a lot this year.  Now I find myself wondering what I'll do with all my time.  Of course there will be other things to fill my time, but in my mind there is also a void building.  This space used to be filled with what side this guitar would be panned to, and what type of delay this voice could use, but as those thoughts are resolved, there is nothing to replace them.  I am starting to feel boredom again.  Ever the peddler of useful and insightful information, Ana shared this article with me a few months ago.  I really resonated with me.  Since the end of my last relationship, I've really had to spend a lot of time with myself.  This made me really uncomfortable because truthfully, there we some parts of me I really didn't like at all.  I used to count on that relationship to fill time, and without it, I realized quickly that I needed to fill it with the space to find myself again.

Then I started on the record and my time and brain space became consumed with the writing and recording and the anxiousness and the relentless voice telling me it wasn't ever going to be done or good enough.  Those voices have long since had their time to be heard and those thoughts resolved.  All the writing and recording and mixing is done on my end.  So now what?

I don't really know.  When I realize I'm bored, I tend to gravitate towards my bed.  I bought it at the beginning of this year.  It's a really expensive bed that I got at a great price from The Bay in Winnipeg's downtown.  If you don't shop there, you need to go there.  Crazy deals all the time.  Anyway, I find myself facing boredom, and my initial reaction is to find something to do.  DOSOMETHING!  But I don't, you see.  I instead remember the article and sit with my boredom.  Well, I lay with it.  I let my mind run it's insanity, and most times I end up dozing off.  I wake up feeling refreshed and surprisingly focused most times.

I've also to really start to notice detail.  I peoples words, in their reactions to things, in the world around me. in my bath curtain, in tv shows, in music, in artwork, while I'm walking, in the trees, in the fences, in the faces, in the pumping of my knees when I run.  Maybe that's why I like Breaking Bad so much.  This last episode, and every episode before it, has been my favourite tv episode ever.

Here's the final picture from my beach day.  Have a wonderful night and day and time all the time.


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