Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Turning 30 is no drag.  In fact, I look forward to it.  It seems my life can really, clearly be defined by decades.  10 years ago, I was in Montreal, probably pretty close to finishing school.  I was already likely living on St. Viateur and Clark.  I remember those days with fondness, and I often wonder what I would be like in Montreal the person I am now.

I can't remember what I was doing at the age of 10.  Most memories before the age of 20 are pretty blurry for me.  I remember some things, like my child self playing with all the toys I had as a kid.  I would sit in my room or at the dinner table and have epic, never ending battles (and maybe some (b)romances....honestly, I was capable of anything and I can't remember the details!) against various cast of members of G. I. Joe or He-man.  I remember dancing in the living room with my sister to the muppet babies.  I remember my parents having people over.  I remember all the browns & beiges & and sepia tones.  I remember always stealing my cousins tapes and listening to them to the point of destruction.  Michael Jackson's Bad and Thriller and Milli Vanilli's self-titled masterpiece were some pretty serious records for me early on.

More often then not, my school friends remind me of this caper, or that night, or this dance, and I honestly have no recollection of what happened.  I'm convinced I shut that all out because I was always wishing I was someone or something else.  I spent so much of my life trying to pretend or wishing I was more attractive, thinner, richer, better at picking women up.  A lot of this trying led to some serious behavioural problems as I grew up.  My sexual, long-term relationships suffered most.  Well, no, I suffered most.  I was my own destruction until everything changed.  But that story is for the record to tell!

Luckily, I was always surrounding by some pretty great people.  And as I am now exactly one month from my 30th birthday, I'm so happy to have many of those people still in my life!


These are the names I've likely said most in my life.  The list is much longer then that, but these are the people who have been in my life as close relations the longest!

I did not think that this would turn into a shoutout.

I also look forward to the accumulation of so much experience and knowledge that will lead to wisdom.  Wisdom I can pass along to the younger people who will listen, and even some who won't.  I feel it's my responsibility to live life as much as possible now, then to process all that information into ideas and learning experiences, then share what I've learned about the world and myself with others when I become a grey-hair.  I've always kind of felt this, and I really like that idea.  But to do that, I have to conquer and fears and bad habits and it's a never ending thinking tank in my brain processing all this info with the tools I currently have!  It's relentless, but it gives me energy and courage and confidence.  The rewards to self-reflection are endless.

So!  In one month I will be 30!  And I'm really excited!

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