Thursday, August 2, 2012

Moving doesn't ever feel like a stressful thing to me.  Not until I realize that one of my main resting place, my couch, isn't going to fit in my new space!  Well, it will fit, but it will take up so much room that the room will suffer greatly.  To add to my frustration, my dining room table and chairs will also make the main living space feel crowded and akward.  So now I feel stressed and anxious.  To further these feelings, my mind decides to run through the list of things to do before I move.

Go to work!
Finish an album!
Pack the kitchen!
Switch installation appointments!
Go for a run!
Pack the computer!
Tear down the furniture!
Repack some boxes!
Go to work!
Write this blog!
Brush your teeth!
Take everything off your bed so you can sleep in it!
Put those things somewhere!
Move them somewhere else!
Pack all the things!

I took the day off work because my back is beginning to react to the accumulation of the stress.  I'm the last person to know I'm stressed, but my body seems to give me warning signs to clue me in.  I ignore them, and I continue to move at a pace that is wrecking my sleep, my eating habits, and my emotional state!  I feel frantic and I feel like I need to traverse Kijiji to find the right couch, the right dining room table!  But since doing the Artist Way, I've developed some tools to help recognize when my mind disconnects from my body and they stop talking to each other.

1.  Write down everything.
2.  Talk to someone.
3.  Identify what's causing this reaction (lack of sleep, hunger, obsessing over something I have no control over).
4.  Write some more.
5.  Watch a movie and smoke some pot.  This is especially helpful to me.  The combination of visual, moving art with the train-like speed weed induces in my mind helps me to reach the EUREKA! moments I'm looking for.  I can't even count the number of times I'll come to some intelligent thought or conclusion while using this pair of things.  This is immediately followed by self-doubt and crippling fear.  Doubt in myself and my understanding of my feelings, and fear of never being able to know myself well enough to move forward.  THEN, my heart kicks in!  And it floods my mind with memories of those moments where I did trust myself enough to listen to myself and how well that worked out.

The whole process takes about 10-15 minutes, although time is relative and always in flux after smoking enough dope.  Then I un-pause the movie and continue through it.  This may happen so many times in a movie, that I feel compelled to stop it and work on art!  What a brain.

The problem now is that I've packed my tv and PS3 up and I can't go to my basement to do this and soon I won't even have that couch to relax in and my house will never the good enough for me and I can't afford curtains or blinds and I'll never leave my job and my art will never lead me anywhere and I'll never leave my house.

I did make these tonight though, and boy did they help.

It's been a day, and I've spent money I don't have on things I can't afford, but sometimes a nice pair of shorts is enough to relieve the stress from your head and back, and maybe it's time I stop worrying about things I have no control over right now and smoke some weed and watch some ANIME!

Fact about me - I LOVE ANIME!

Also, come to this!  It will be so fun!

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