I made an important life move, and yet again, I'm having to deal with a major change in my life. The upside to this change is that it has been one of the healthiest for me. I feel completely ok with my decision and the reasons behind it. But the little anti-trust gremlins are organizing inside of my brain and they are making themselves heard.
"You've made a mistake!"
"You did this for the wrong reasons!"
"You've let go of something that had meaning and substance and you'll never find that again!"
Just so none of you are guessing, and because I've been recently inspired by this article, I am talking about a breakup. This was by far the healthiest and safest relationship and I ended it. Something inside of my heart was calling me to look at why I felt the need to end it, and when I finally decided to listen to that little voice everything came pouring out of my heart and into my mind, and then out of my mouth.
Building trust up in oneself is a learned skill that is more and more difficult to learn as you get older, I have found. I've made so many mistakes in the short time I've been alive that I've become an excellent self-doubter. So now, as I try to work on my self-trust skills, I can't help but feel like I'm fooling myself.
I am prepared for this time though. It is yet another test to prove to myself that I have grown and that I know what is best for me. A part of me wants to take it all back, but I cannot. It wouldn't be right for me, and I would be putting my wants before my needs and the needs of others. I have to trust in the trust in myself.
Wish me luck.
It's been a while since I've posted something. I've had a very active couple of weeks. I am in the middle of two fund raisers for the record (one for Winnipeg and one for the World), settling details on the release of the record, planning a nice long tour, figuring out how to be what I want to be for halloween, and of course, navigating my world without a partner. The latter is really difficult for me.
To tell you truth, I've been scared to post. I worry that my grammer is terrible. I worry that no one cares. I second guess and scare myself into not doing it. These are the vicious cycles that need breaking!
OK, now I'm getting anxious to move onto the next thing in my agenda, which is to rehearse for the coming shows. I'd like to tell you that I feel way more confident now with my performance and with a guitar and my voice. The live Oldfolks Home show will be something.
If you're still with me, check this out. And goodnight.