Friday, May 31, 2013

Tough Day

I did this.  

I hit a plastic garbage bin on the way out of Halifax.  The force of the plastic flexing back sent the mirror slamming against the window as Cody was taking a bite of his cheeseburger.  It was the funniest and more infuriating thing.  I haven't been sleeping well because of my neck and things on my mind and because I've been watching Spartacus.  It's all gore, naked bodies, soft-core sex, and mindless entertainment.  I will have seen the whole series by the end of the week and I can't say I've learned anything, but I have had a lot of fun.  I am losing sleep because I can't wait to see the new bloddy episode.  I also woke up feeling pretty raw in the feelings department from what is going down in my personal life and when I heard the smash and noticed the mirror, I wasn't really able to get out of the deep funk.  I went down the rabbit hole.  I wanted comfort and I wanted it to be from a partner.  I miss that the most.

So instead of being a responsible adult, I vented through text messages to a person I barely know, which brought up all these intense fears of scaring them off.  Of losing something I didn't have.  This person was quick to remind me of some important things *BREATHE* and to straighten me out, but I felt so ashamed to have shown such an exposed side of me.

We got into Moncton and I was obsessing over the words that had been sent through text, only to further drive me into imaginary situations.  You see, I am a romantic optimist.  I play out these situations with people I meet in my mind, but the problem is that I am always the most level-headed, kindest, most thoughtful person ever in the history of the universe.  This is a fallacy.  I am riddled with faults that never play out in these imaginary situations.  I talked to Garland about this later in the evening after a walk and she was surprised that A MAN did this too!  I wonder how many other people do it.  I always feel foolish for doing it.  I went for a walk and realized that I was really wanting to vent to and to be comforted by a partner, and because of my mind stories, this person became the receiver of my irrational, emotional and inappropriate (based on our current situations) text messages.

Silly Ricardo.   Still some work to do.

In spite of all this, Oldfolks Home had another SLAMMING show.  We killed it last night and there were people at the show who really liked the set.  It was the show we needed to lift spirits.  So let's review the photos, shall we?


Here is a thing - Oldfolks Home is a band and not just a thing where I talk about my feelings.  Here is a video from Moncton's show.  What a treat!

 Lindsay Duncan.  Host with the most.  Tired enough to hide behind my smile.  This is pre-mirror smash.
 She appears!
 Hanging with Vanna White.
A new band featuring these two.  I love this picture.
 This was the only pretty thing I saw on my walk through Moncton.  This isn't to say that Moncton isn't pretty, I just didn't see anything on my walk.
 BEAMS.  Awesome band.
 FRIED PEPPERONI.  It would have been more exciting if I still drank.
 After show dance party with the gang.
Same deal.
 More dancing.
 After bar hangouts with Beams in the band apartment above Plan B.  Such a great venue.

Late night selfie.  I'm tired and sweaty but feeling better about this tour.

Time to hang out with Nick and Susan from In Dreams in their home in Saint John.  See y'all later.

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