Tough Day

I did this.  

I hit a plastic garbage bin on the way out of Halifax.  The force of the plastic flexing back sent the mirror slamming against the window as Cody was taking a bite of his cheeseburger.  It was the funniest and more infuriating thing.  I haven't been sleeping well because of my neck and things on my mind and because I've been watching Spartacus.  It's all gore, naked bodies, soft-core sex, and mindless entertainment.  I will have seen the whole series by the end of the week and I can't say I've learned anything, but I have had a lot of fun.  I am losing sleep because I can't wait to see the new bloddy episode.  I also woke up feeling pretty raw in the feelings department from what is going down in my personal life and when I heard the smash and noticed the mirror, I wasn't really able to get out of the deep funk.  I went down the rabbit hole.  I wanted comfort and I wanted it to be from a partner.  I miss that the most.

So instead of being a responsible adult, I vented through text messages to a person I barely know, which brought up all these intense fears of scaring them off.  Of losing something I didn't have.  This person was quick to remind me of some important things *BREATHE* and to straighten me out, but I felt so ashamed to have shown such an exposed side of me.

We got into Moncton and I was obsessing over the words that had been sent through text, only to further drive me into imaginary situations.  You see, I am a romantic optimist.  I play out these situations with people I meet in my mind, but the problem is that I am always the most level-headed, kindest, most thoughtful person ever in the history of the universe.  This is a fallacy.  I am riddled with faults that never play out in these imaginary situations.  I talked to Garland about this later in the evening after a walk and she was surprised that A MAN did this too!  I wonder how many other people do it.  I always feel foolish for doing it.  I went for a walk and realized that I was really wanting to vent to and to be comforted by a partner, and because of my mind stories, this person became the receiver of my irrational, emotional and inappropriate (based on our current situations) text messages.

Silly Ricardo.   Still some work to do.

In spite of all this, Oldfolks Home had another SLAMMING show.  We killed it last night and there were people at the show who really liked the set.  It was the show we needed to lift spirits.  So let's review the photos, shall we?


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Here is a thing - Oldfolks Home is a band and not just a thing where I talk about my feelings.  Here is a video from Moncton's show.  What a treat!

 Lindsay Duncan.  Host with the most.  Tired enough to hide behind my smile.  This is pre-mirror smash.

 She appears!

 Hanging with Vanna White.

A new band featuring these two.  I love this picture.

 This was the only pretty thing I saw on my walk through Moncton.  This isn't to say that Moncton isn't pretty, I just didn't see anything on my walk.

 BEAMS.  Awesome band.

 IN DREAMS.

 IN DREAMS.

 FRIED PEPPERONI.  It would have been more exciting if I still drank.

 After show dance party with the gang.

Same deal.

 More dancing.

 After bar hangouts with Beams in the band apartment above Plan B.  Such a great venue.

Late night selfie.  I'm tired and sweaty but feeling better about this tour.













Time to hang out with Nick and Susan from In Dreams in their home in Saint John.  See y'all later.

The Other End Of The World

And my heart blooms.

I woke up this morning to find another parking ticket on the van.  I'm up to 3 tickets total on this tour.  There should be some sort of pass you can buy federally to travel across Canada and park anywhere.  The signs in Halifax say you can only park for 15 minutes between 8am-12pm, which doesn't even make any sense.  

This trip has truly been a test of my strength and resolve.  So far, the shows have been half well attended, half poorly attended, but we're always playing our best.  Last nights show was played to the other bands and the vlt room, but they told us it was the best sound they had ever heard at the venue.  We did our own sound.  We did our own door, and we did the promotion.  I expect there to be a few people out at every show, but I have to remember too that no one really knows about this band, that certain regional factors will keep people from leaving their homes, and that the next time I roll into town, it will be easier to do this.  It was still crushing when only three people paid cover though, and they all had intentions of winning all their money back in the vlt room.  This is the album release tour, but it is still one of building relationships with musicians and venues across North America.

And as I build professional relationships, I also build personal ones.  Even back at home, across a country, I am getting to know someone that I would like to know more.  My heart has called me back to Winnipeg before, but we were a reckless and impulsive team back then.  I was headed to Montreal when my phone buzzed and I was surprised to see who the text was from asking how the trip was going.  This person is mostly a stranger, yet because I have learned to listen to whispering heart, I am aware that there is the chance of a deeper connection.  So when I got the message, heart was skipping and making beats.  CALM YOURSELF, I said.  It means nothing and this person is being kind, and they are just asking you a question.  But heart knew better.

When I decide to follow heart, things can happen quickly and without thought.  In the past few years I have learned to include thought into action so as not to hurt myself and the others around me.  I reminded myself of my personal commitments to be alone, of the fact that it would over a month before I got home and that I had no idea what this person's situation was.  The conversation went from texting to phone calls in a blink of an eye, and now I find myself looking to define what this new friendship means to me.  Lucky for heart and I, this person is honest and true and since I have been honig these skills also, our conversations have been emotional AND rational.  This person knows about my commitments and I know of theirs.  What a wonderful way to start a friendship, and my heart swells in pride for having been right.  It sings with love for having been listened to.  But I somehow still feel like a failure because this new relationship hasn't exploded into a passionate affair that will ruin and wreck everything is it's path!  Every time I'm met with a new opportunity for a personal relationship, I have to take note of the parts of me that have changed and the parts of me that want to stay the same out of habit.  It's strange to be doing that in a relationship with someone back home while I am away.  Needless to say, I AM EXCITED BY ALL OF THIS.  

Want to see some photos?  

 This is at about 4am on the drive to Halifax from Montreal.  The sun was rising and the country was covered in misty frost.

 If you look at this picture in a bigger form, you can see these think layers of fog rolling atop of the trees.  My camera couldn't do it justice, but it was beautiful.

 Fog.

Less fog.  

 The bridge into Halifax and THE SUN.

 The lovely Lindsay Duncan was kind enough to let us stay at her place for a couple of nights.  This is her back yard.

 This is her cat, Soup.

 This is from my alone walk into downtown Halifax.  This shot is from the hill.

 We're off to get some food, and these two have become quick friends.  They share the joy of holding pinkies.

 This building is made of brick that looks like chocolate.

 Cody NEEDED a donair so we stopped at a donair vendor before the rest of us went for seafood.  He ate while he walked, and this was a break to get some ketchup on this fries.

 This picture can be triumph of tragedy.

Triumph - he elevates his body to a walking position and dips his fries in ketchup, thereby fulfilling his desires.

Tragedy - he falls face-first into a pile of ketchup and fries.

 These guys are so hungry they can bare stand...

...Until this happens.

 After a week of not playing, Karl is REHEARSING HIS PARTS BEFORE THE SHOW.  Take note, as this is a real life skill that will get you hired ALL THE TIME.

 Brian (Lindsay's partner) and Brennan before we head out for the day.

 The trip was to the beach, but we had to walk through some beautiful eastern country to get there.

Me!

 Me!  Thanks, Mara, for the scarf!

 FUCKING BEACH TIME BRO.

 Lindsay didn't make it far.  She found a spot and promptly fell into a relaxed position as Karl triumphs over sand.

 Then we head back to Vanna White so she can take us to Lindsay's mom's place.

 And this was her back yard.  Did you know you can buy coastal property here for less then 100,000$?

 A photo shoot of Karl looking like a rock god, his hair blowing in the wind.

 This is Lindsay, playing some of her sweet tunes.

Brennan is not shy when it comes to playing music with others.  He is confident and capable and he played with Lindsay almost her entire set.  It was magical.

We drive to Moncton today.  One of my favorite I Mother Earth songs is about Moncton.  I don't listen to I Mother Earth any more.  

Talk to you soon.